I am struggling to survive – Carcinosin

Female, 44 years, economic technician, divorced, lives with two children. She came because of sense of overloading and persistent worry and she didn’t know how to get out of that.

I am a woman of hundred problems.
I survived first divorce disastrous – alone, with two children.

I felt fear – how am I going alone with the children?
I was physically beaten, cheated.
I married in a hurry to get away from father, he was rigorous.
My husband was beating me, but I endured because of children, I felt fear.
I felt relief after divorce.
After seven years – new relationship. At first I refused, but again, because of the children, because of work and existence, I entered into a relationship. I was happy. I had peace and security.

I always took care more about others than about myself. I feel that the problem is in me. As if I all did wrong in life, the feeling of rejection.

That other man also left, the children grew, they don't need me anymore, and I have the need to please someone.

I let the children being separated but I am crying for it.

My son wants to work on cruiser.
To me it is terrible. When I will see him? (she cries)
Horrible, unthinkable, I'm afraid that something could happen to him.
I am disappointed with myself, because I could not gain more, and now the son has to go to work.
I am wondering, where I made a mistake.
Furious, angry at myself, I am silent, do not show, I cry.
I constantly apologize to children because I could not more.
I feel guilty, it presses me, like I have a mountain on my chest.
I'm forgetful lately.
I'm afraid of animals, especially dogs, fear of the dark, I turn to when I'm in the dark, I sleep with the light on, as if I will not be able see what is happening, I have a need to keep everything under control even when I am sleeping. As if something will happen to children.
Everything on the subject of spirituality fills me. Seeking answers who we are, what we are, why something is happening.
Second husband left me for another woman. I was angry, I did not deserve this. My heart ached because he was working late, and he was with another woman.
It was a question, to live or die.
I am not worth at all. (she cries)
I feel excessive sadness, I wonder where I am wrong. Fear of loneliness and fear of new relationships.
Except my heart, nothing else perished. (she laughs)
Pressure in my chest, I'm losing breath, in one month I lost 20 kilos.
I am chilly.
I have no need for water.
I have desire for sweets and warm food.
Aversion to meet.
Blockages at all levels from excessive fear for the future, for the children. In fear I shrivel, isolate, I wonder when this life will pass. I want to come to an end as soon as possible.

I always have some load on my chest.
I have no need for sex.
I am bad for me, I’m not sociable, not interested for people out of my family.
My family is meaning of my life.
I am reading, escape of reality, I am struggling to survive.

Carc 30C, split dose

Follow up a month later:

I felt relief, but also: pain in heart, palpitation, anxiety in stomach. It passed quickly.
Pain in legs, sadness, anger on myself.
Pain in back, it also passed quickly.
I got the will to live.
Emotionally I am more stable, I cry less.
Feeling that the soul goes ahead of me, I barely put together with it.
I met my ex-husband and was surprised how calm I handle it.
I was pride on myself.
I saw everything black, and now I see that I can do better than that.
As if I can see more possibilities.
I am looking on life more realistic.
Relented the control over the children.
My appetite improved.
I don’t complain.
I am doing everything that I always wanted but couldn’t.
I am alive and I have more energy.
(She seems more cheerful, happier, to the control she came with makeup, she talked relaxed about his son's departure abroad and how she's helping him to organize the paperwork. She has led her daughter to consultation.)

Ljiljana Perović

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